Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Why have I been ignoring this for so long?

Okay....so I know that toilet paper is an essential and that Charmin is a reputable brand...please, one of my first major tests for any new man I plan to bed is the 2-ply v. 1-ply. Ladies.... If he fails the 2-ply test...fuggehhhtabouutit! He is a cheap bastard. Think of all the time men spend on the toilet. If he can't spring for the good paper for his ass, he definitely is not going to spring for you. That being said. Usually I hurry through the toilet paper aisle as fast as I can.."supermarket sweep" style. Anyway, tonight I paid attention to what I was purchasing.
Okay...first look at the package. GIANT RED BEAR ! Not exactly an image I would usually associate with myself. What about a curvy pink fox? Much better. Next...look at the product description, "ULTRA STRONG." What about "Delicate but Sturdy."
Now lets say you are at Club Publix dressed up fine because it is a hot pick-up spot on the Beach. And Dr. McDreamy turns the corner just as you are placing the CHARMIN ULTRA STRONG RED BEAR TOILET PAPER in your cart. What imagery is conjured up in any man's mind at that instant? I will tell you. Picture the bear on the package...with your head on its body. Gross. I do not want the phrase "ultra strong" associated with me, the bathroom, you get what I am talking about. What about a curvy pink fox hiding the paper behind her back? At least Dr. McDreamy might imagine that the bathroom break is post-coital? A little sexier right?

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