Monday, March 31, 2008

What's Up With Her Face?

I know I frequently ask this, but Lara Flynn Boyle looks seriously fucked up. Given her appearance, I would have guessed she is pushing 50...she's 38. WHAT?

Preview Of Borat 2...

Well, technically not Borat 2, but Sacha Baron Cohen strikes again. This time, the alter ego of Borat and Ali G, in the guise of flamboyant Austrian fashion journalist Brüno, caused a minor scene in Wichita's Mid-Continent Airport while apparently filming his latest movie, tentatively titled Brüno.

Following Cohen's behavior with an accomplice (see video above), airport officials are said to be re-considering policies concerning permission to film inside the facility, the Associated Press reports.

But then, Cohen/Brüno is no stranger to repercussions. On his HBO show, Cohen barely escaped bodily harm when, as Brüno, he got some American surfers to moon the camera –before he announced he was from Austrian Gay TV.

Like the widescreen Borat, which proved a critical and commercial success, Brüno is expected to lampoon American social and sexual behavior through the eyes of an outsider.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Kate Bosworth Has To Get Black Out Drunk To Have Sex... At Least In Movies

I'm kind of a nerd. I admit it. I want to see the movie "21" - basically a movie about a bunch of MIT kids that are so insanely smart, they try to swindle Vegas. Side note: the kids in the book (and at least in the first group and in real life) are all Asian. SHOCKING, right? Anyways, saw this little article about Kate Bosworth and her sex scenes in "21".

Now, what's the easiest way to lose your inhibitions when filming a sex scene that millions of people will see? Insane amounts of booze, of course! That's the route Bosworth and Jim Sturgess went while filming their steamy sex scene in '21.' In fact, the two got so "thirsty", Bosworth says she blacked out and can't even remember filming the fling. "We were both so drunk," Bosworth said, saying she and Sturgess decided "to have a couple of drinks, loosen up and go for it." Sturgess has similar alcohol amnesia. "It was brilliant for about half and an hour. As we continued to drink ... it just became sloppy and messy. I couldn't stand up at one point," he said.

Awesome- how many did Bosworth have? One glass of wine? Maybe two? She is painfully skinny.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Say No To Tracks

Does She Only Spray Tan Her Legs?

Ummm... what's up with Vicotria Beckham's orange legs and the pale face?

Bikini Wax For An Eight Year Old? Isn't That A Bit Much?

In the wake of the recent tragic death of the West Boca High cheerleader getting breast implants, many bloggers and editorials alike are taking notice of this disturbing trend in young girls' "beautifying" themselves earlier and earlier. In the attached linked story, in the first thousand words of I just read: 1) An eight-year-old receives a bikini wax (do you even get hair that early??? and who cares??); 2) A ten-year-old gets microdermabrasion (do kids get zits?); and; 3) Numerous children under ten get highlights (don't kids just play in the sun and get natural highlights?).

This story- shockingly - was not from "Beverly Hills Times" or "Fifth Avenue Mag" - it's from Philadelphia magazine- a city that seems disarmingly normal and unmaterialistic relative to my current place of residence (or others for that matter). A city where you can see a cracked bell and eat a cheesesteak sandwich without thinking of the consequences. Tragic, what are your thoughts?

Who Would Have Thought?

Pandas have a notoriously low sex drive. That by itself deserves its own line, so that you can digest that information.

Apparently, the panda trainers have resorted to everything from aphrodisiac herbs and Viagra to panda porn to get the black-and-white bears in the mood for love. Now a Chinese research center is trying a new tactic: Building up the bears' sex muscles through exercise to spur "copulation" - you know the scientific word for fornication, oh whatever- for fucking. Keepers at the Chengdu Panda Breeding and Research Centre have been tempting the bears at their facility by dangling apples from strings in an effort to get them up on their hind legs, thereby strengthening pelvic muscles. Bears who stand up are rewarded with an apple and then, um, left to their own devices with a nearby female. The facility also sets up "dates" between pandas who have never been with each other, in the hope that a little variety will make sparks fly. "We arrange love-making between two excellent pandas which have never had sex. It does work," an official said.

Note: For all you perverts, this does not have human application.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I Couldn't POSSIBLY Live Off Of $48.6 Million

Let's say you just won $48.6 million or "earned" $48.6 million after 4 years of "work". Whatever. What would be the first thing you would do? Me? After skipping through the park, yelling, "I'm RIIIICH BITTTCH" , I would start throwing hundreds around at Neiman Marcus. As for Heather Mills the first thing she did is hire forensic accountants to pour over Paul McCartney's assets because, apparently, she can't get by on $48.6 million. Of course, she's "mainly" concerned about her daugher Bea - YEAH RIGHT. I mean, how can she raise a child on such meager funds? The Daily Mail reports:"Heather's thinking is that Bea should not be seen to have a different lifestyle when she is with Heather compared to Paul - and she is going about proving that is not possible. Heather is hoping Paul will discretely make a payment to her annually rather than want to go back to court and rake all this up again." I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger...


Tallulah Moore is a total mini-Demi. Big Classes, Black Pea Coa and Skinny Jeans. I'm sure Tallulah is gunning for Ashton though.

It Even Sounds Gross... FOOT FLUSH

WTF? Who is buying this item? According to their ad, a toilet flushing handle can contain up to 50,000 bacteria per square inch. OK, FINE - So I'll stop licking them, but I'm not going to drop $20 on this POS "Footflush." The Footflush is a FOOT shaped (because you'd obviously have no idea how the fuck to use it otherwise) device you step on in order to flush the toilet. They hook up to any regular toilet and make the world a better place for germaphobes and people with no arms. But here's a novel idea -- that's free -- kick the damn handle like a normal person. I don't care if it is a little-handled home toilet, kick that bitch or otherwise CLEAN YOUR HOME TOILET. You do it on the big handles in public restrooms, why not at home as well, right? I prefer the running jumpkick technique- kung-fun style. However, due to its difficulty I can only recommend it for intermediate/advanced level kickers. Basically you run, jump, and kick.

If you are that concerned about germs at your own home, maybe you should invest in Lysol or Clorox and clean it, instead of buying the fuckin' Foot Flush.

A.S.L.: Another Photoshop Lie

One of the weekly tabloids featured this ad for Kimora Lee Simmons' new fragrance, Fabulosity. Cute, right? One word: PhotoShop. She's a beautiful woman (no doubt), but she is not pre-pubescent, as seen in the ad. She is turning 33 for Christ's sake. Also, those digitally sculpted arms look great -- except for the forearm on the left, which may or may not snap off if she actually had to lift something with it. As for the creases on her neck, which are quite noticeable in person and make her (gasp!) human, they've been wiped out. Check out and compare it with some images from the Fabulosity fragrance launch. As far as I'm concerned the only thing not Photoshopped is her hair, which is FABULOUS.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Baby Got Backless

Most women buy backless bras for special occasions (think strapless wedding gowns, prom dresses, evening gowns, etc.) But backless bras aren't just for special occasions anymore, they're apparently also perfect for everyday wear to prevent back bulge. You know - that obnoxious back fat that magically appears above and below your bra strap. I know you know what I'm talking about.) But girls who suffer from back bulge -- ahem, ME -- no longer have any excuses with this new backless bra on the market. Well, back bulge is probably not the "primary" purpose of the backless bra- but... it's a plus, right?

Maidenform is introducing their new Breakthrough Backless Bra next month (but they're currently taking pre-orders on their site). Silicone on the wire channeling prevents slippage and strategically positioned straps won't give you back bulge (like every single bra I currently own). I am so getting one of these!

WTF?? WHY Would Anyone Want A Red Lighting Bolt Firing From Their Ass Crack?

I feel like these jeans are mimicking a fight scene from Batman (ZOW, POW, ZOOK). These are the fugliest jeans that I have ever seen - IN MY LIFE. Why on earth would anyone want to have an insane red lightening bolt shooting down from their ass all the way to their calves? I know- NO ONE. I suppose I am not alone in hating these because they have managed to make their way onto the sale section of They fugalicious jeans can be yours for the low, low price of $113, originally $225 (?!?!?!??!). Did anyone buy these full price or at all? If you ask me both the original and the sale price are too high. But then again I would consider a price tag that said, "Free. Take them, please" to be too expensive too.

Want To Be A Disney Bridesmaid?

Guess what: It's not just for brides (SEE BELOW)! It's true - the soon-to-be betrothed can include their bridesmaids in their princess-themed nuptials and sharethis happy moment at the Magic Kingdom. It's all just so magical! And Just like the wedding dresses, the bridesmaids collection is "inspired" by Belle, Ariel, Jasmine, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella and Snow White and each includes three styles of bridesmaids gowns. Again, not as tragic as I had hoped. Sadly, I kind of like the Snow White Dress (tube with the big red bow). Does this make me a bad person? (Top photo)

The "INTELLIGENT" Woman Issue

It's time for ELLE's annual "intelligent women" issue! RUN, don't walk, girls. Thing is, the only examples of "intelligence" the magazine offers are Natalie "I went to Harvard" Portman, a horribly-timed interview with Michelle Williams (whom I can't really say that I consider part of the intelligent caste), and something called "The Beauty Genius Awards." So, basically, instead of featuring stories about intelligent women who actually deserve accolades, ELLE gives us celebrities, hairdressers, and make-up artists. WAIT- then again, maybe they are the smart ones... after all, I'm the one stuck in the office working for the man. Damn you ELLE for making me realize that higher education isn't where it's at.

What Doesn't Fit In?

Or fit anywhere? I have always known that Mariah Carey had serious breast augmentation, but this is ridiculous. NOT photoshopped either, taken straight from

Crest Strips Or Not?

What's up with John McCain's dentist? I'm not trying to be mean to a 71-year-old, but those teeth may be showing their age more than a presidential candidate would hope. Aren't we living in the Golden Age of teeth whitening?

Disney Is Seriously Trying To Diversify Their Portfolio

Given the fact that three of my closest friends are getting married this year, I have done some dress/online research about finding the "perfect" dress. While there were some winners and some losers, I must say there was one "shocker". Maybe I didn't get the memo, but did anyone know that DISNEY made bridal wear?

Yes, Disney, the very same company that has been selling young girls the myth that if we sit around on our asses long enough, a prince will come and whisk you us off our feet (I should sue them for misrepresentation), is now selling young women wedding dresses inspired by the various Disney princesses: Ariel from The Little Mermaid, Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Jasmine from Aladdin. The new Disney Bridal collection, now in its second season, rehashes the worst bridal design stereotypes and repackages them into looks that resemble those in the Disney movies we saw as kids... if we squint our eyes real hard, that is. Tragically, it's not as hysterical as I had hoped...

Beyonce or Fierce Tranny?

You decide.

p.s. - I'm thinking "B".

Buying Phillip Lim 3.1 for Kids? Why Not Just Say, "I Like To Burn Money?"

Has anyone noticed the Phillip Lim for kids line? Admittedly, everything is very cute (despite the fact that neutral gender child is modeling the stuff). There are even items that are exact matches of the grown-up girl version (but not the same quality of fabric). And it ain’t cheap. If anyone LOVES to be matchy-matchy with their daughter or sister, this would be a great time to buy Phillip Lim! Find peices at Neiman Marcus and prices range from $55 up to $325.

She's Just Being Miley

Remember when you and your best friend made videos of yourselves as if you were a talk show host, interviewing each other? Unfortunately for some, home videos can be as easily posted as hitting the enter button these days.

In any event, Miley Cyrus dedicated the latest episode of "The Miley and Mandy Show" (a YouTube based show) to fan questions and Jesus, and not necessarily in that order. Apparently the show is unleashed on unsuspecting YouTube users to make them want to convert or just put a shot gun to their head. Mission accomplished. Here's a snippet of the mind-numbing conversation:

"We love Jesus! Jesus rocks! She dances for Jesus. I sing, dance and act for Jesus! Now that I think about it, I do everything for Jesus. We make the YouTube videos for Jesus. We’re all about it." (FAST FORWARD TO ABOUT 6:12.. or else suffer the mind numbing consequences.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Kinda Pregnant Looking

I saw this picture and thought she "looked" pregnant, but I was reading Perez Hilton and apparently, there are pregnant rumors out there... hmmmm... she was even wearing a (gasp) tanktop underneath her costume rather than showing them abs.

Botkier for Target!!

YESSSSSSSSSSS.......Botkier will be the next renowned designer launching a limited edition with Target. The Botkier for Target collection will be available at select Target stores nationwide and at July 21 through Sept. 14, 2008, which means it will follow the upcoming Gryson for Target collection. As many of you know, Botkier is known for her motor-cycle inspired handbags, so anybody who hearts quality leather and metal zippers is in for a real treat. In three words: I am excited! I have a black leather Botkier tote that I still love and carry to this very day. No word on any styles yet!

Anyways, I think that Target is essentially capatilizing on the depressed economy- tapping into the younger professional generation that recognizes these new luxury brands and bringing them at an affordable price, given these depressed market conditions. Kudos to Target.

Check This Out!

Check out the TV! Admittedly, the furniture seems a bit...dowdy. Perhaps this is a set... at least one can hope.

I Can Barely Stand How Cute This Dog Is

At a Zen Buddhist temple in southern Japan, even the dog prays. Mimicking his master, priest Joei Yoshikuni, a 1 1/2-year-old black-and-white Chihuahua named Conan joins in the daily prayers at Naha's Shuri Kannondo temple, sitting up on his hind legs and putting his front paws together before the altar. See - an old dog can learn new tricks!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

The GAP??

The new designer Gap ad looks pretty damn good... too bad they are going to fit like CRAP. But kudos to a gorgeous couture looking campaign.

I Hate Starbucks...

In the annual meeting today, Starbucks chief Howard Schultz vowed to "fight to the death" against Dunkin' Donuts, McDonald's, and other competitors for coffee-and-baked good supremacy.

Chief among his "great" ideas is the loyalty card. Starting in about a month, Starbucks will introduce a number of discounts for customers who use their Starbucks card to pay, and register it on the web site. (Excuse me while I run to my newest Starbucks to get in line) Free "customization" is one perk -- extra syrups and milk substitutions will be gratis - that's FREE for you non-Italian speakers. Another perk is free refills on brewed coffee (because I ALWAYS sit in Starbucks), and the possible expansion of the $1.00 coffee test. Schultz didn't mention whether or not the company would be offering free drinks upon the purchase of 10, or 15; of course, this "novel" loyalty concept is working with punch cards at just about every single coffee shop in the nation.

Along with Schultz' frightening war imagery was the very real specter of the looming recession. Schultz said the economy is in a "tailspin," his consumers, "in a recession." The way we're all responding to the "tough" times, evidently, is by refusing to pony up $3 or $4 for a beverage on such a regular basis. It hardly seems that a new coffee blend and an automated beverage machine will be the cure-all for your economic woes (maybe all the time you save waiting in line for the barista, you can spend looking for a new job?), but it's certain that changes are still needed. Investors aren't the least bit impressed; they sent the stock down another 74 cents, or 4.06%, to $17.50 today, only a touch off the 52-week low of $16.77. YES!!! TO THE FACE!!!

Hot Mess Waiting to Happen

As I'm taking my daily (online) shopping break, I came across this blank white canvas purse by Fendi - fine, normal. BUT, this Fendi comes with 10 markers to create your own design on the bag... what the fuck? Why would I pay $1300 for a bag, so that I can design it? I'm not the one with a fashion degree? And there is no "erasing", if you screw up, you're just STUCK.
Fendi is trying to creatively unload all those baguette bags it can't sell, because Sarah Jessica Parker is no longer endorsing.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Only For The Lazies

You will never have to mop again with these slippers with mop fibers on the soles! Now you can mop or dust your floors while walking around the house - WHOA! This is totally one of those products you see on QVC at 3am and somehow convince yourself it'll fill that giant gaping void in your life. And the best part is OPRAH endorses it- we can buy with ease now!

ASN: Another Stupid Name

THANK GOD!!! I can BREATHE now, I was on the EDGE of my seat waiting to find out what Halle Berry named her new baby girl...(drum roll please).... Nahla Ariela Aubry.

A few things pop out about this name: 1) Nahla - seriously sounds like the female lion in Lion King. Who knows, maybe Halle is watching too much Disney. 2) Ariela- seriously sounds like the chick from Little Mermaid. Again, Disney influence and 3) Aubry - surprising pick for a last name, given the fact that she probably won't be with this dude in about two years.

Why Is She Insulting Us?

I know Gwen Stefani has to put food on the table too... but let's not try to turn out CRAP and call it fashion. What the fuck are these shoes? And who can walk on them? You can't even use these as a costume. Maybe they are meant to be sold to those Harajuku girls or women in China that still have bound feet. In any event, a total of 10 pairs will be sold- "no doubt" to her backup dancers.

p.s.- They are $235!!!!!!!!!

Cute Gift Alert!

I was visiting the Tiffany & Co. website today, and they have a whole new line basically! I think they are really trying to crank out some new silver items in anticipation of opening this new line of smaller "silver only" stores... but I love it! Amongst my favorite is this new geometric heart pendant with chain. It will set you back $165- but hey, it comes in the "blue box", right?

Monday, March 17, 2008

Magic Bra or Pregnant?

I know, she's probably not pregnant- but her boobs looks seriously pregnant. What bra is Paris Hilton wearing? I am going to run out and buy it.

Who Thought Of This Marketing Strategy?

A new kind of "ladies" vodka called Damskaya is being marketed to women in Russia, and according to Reuters, it's "designed to be sipped with salad after a workout in the gym." Damskaya was invented by Igor Volodin, who says, "Women need a drink of their own... In Moscow, there are pink taxis for ladies, there are light cigarettes," he said. "But there was no vodka, and we asked ourselves: 'Why?'" Not everyone is enamored with this new product, particularly Yuri Sorokin, a psychologist who runs a rehab clinic in Moscow. 60% of his alcoholic patients are women, and many are the wives of millionaires. Sorokin said to Reuters, "I believe that female alcoholism is a huge problem in Russia. I believe it is as huge and hidden as the underwater part of an iceberg."

Who doesn't like a refresing vodka after the gym? Wait...they ARE marketing geniuses!

Bitch Is Skinny Again

First and foremost, Jennifer Lopez is skinny again. BITCH. HOWEVER, I see that she is human and she finally does not look as flawless as ever...dare I say, she looks TIRED.

Look at Skeletor, clearly losing sleep over late night feedings and middle of the night crying. But there was no hope there to begin with. I mean BAGS are under his eyes...or were they always there?

Does Angelina Jolie's Daughter Ever Grow?

Does Shiloh ever look different? Her lips are ALWAYS a litle bit open... she looks the same size all the time and I never see Shiloh walk. I men, aren't Shiloh and all Jennifer Garner's kid (Violet) the same age?? I see Violet running and falling all the time... the rest of her kids walk. There is something weird going on- like Shiloh has flat feet. Who knows.
p.s. - Are we to believe that Shiloh or anyone in that holistic Jolie-Pitt clan eat Cheetohs?

Diamonds In Your Credit Card...

This is getting absurd. There is a new credit- the Dubai First Royale that will feature unlimited credit, "special deals, and access to VIP events around the world... nothing special, right? What is noteworthy about this card is what the actual card looks like - or contains. It's black with a gold metal border and it features a crest in the center with a REAL diamond embedded in the middle. WHY? I ask, WHY?

Also, if you have enough money to be invited to be a cardmember - why does the card member need these benefits? They have enough money to do it themselves. STUPID.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Enough Already Madonna !!!!

Lets face it.... no matter how fond we are of "Like a Virgin" "Cherish" "Like a Prayer" "Vogue" "Ray of Light" and even "Music"....Madonna is old and tired and looks like a drag queen now. Unless she is really going after Cher's audience....she needs to retire, go away, and tend to her handsome Brit-husband and just leave us alone. I think Justin Timberlake even looks scared in this picture. And by the way, heard her new song....not even in a league with "Gimme More" or "Piece of Me" by a youthful disaster. Give me an R-E-T-I-R-E !

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Rapper Lil Jon is apparently joining the long list of celebrities with a wine/alcohol project. The Little Jonathan Winery is the new project froml Lil Jon. Given his "taste" in (gaudy) jewels and style these bottles look incredibly restrained. No word on pricing yet or where the wines are sourced but he's starting with a 2005 Merlot and a 2006 Cabernet Sauvignon and Chardonnay.

Is this necessary? Does having onehit catch phrase allow you to OWN a winery and bottle wine? If so, then I seriously need think of one. How about, "That's hot." Crap, that's taken.

Why Workout When You Can Be A Hot Cartoon?

Britney Spears' brand new video for "Break the Ice" debuted today - the thing is all kinds of crazy anime and was supposedly Britney's idea. I seriously doubt she has a single clue what's going down in this video but it's, admittedly, kind of badass if you're into that "Streetfighter" game thing. She probably just stared at the pretty colors and clapped her hands until someone brought her a cookie. Coincidentally, for her next video, Britney wants to be played by an Oreo which, for the sake of accuracy, will be Double Stuffed.
In all seriousness, another "solid" song. Maybe not a hit, but the song is catchy.

Break the Ice

Morbidly Interesting

Just released... Christiane Plante who used- used to be the operative word - to be the 33-year-old friend of Brooke Hogan until she kind of, sort of had sex with the Hulk.

Has She Had Work Done?

Nikki Hilton actually looks normal - even good- in this photo - has she had work done or are those just new extensions? Her nose just looks longer maybe? What do you think?

Is This The Cutest Girl Ever?

It has to help that she has her two front teeth missing... her voice is nothing short of angelic either.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

La Pequena Amy Winehouse: Part 2

HAHAHHAHAHAHAAHA. Dude- you have to see the guy in the middle dancing like a COMPLETE JERK. I love it!!!!!!!!! ANd what's up with the random "grunting" noises?? Genius- since these people are going to get a show or something. Damnit.

La Pequena Amy Winehouse

I love finding things like this... it's a male midget that is imitating Amy Winehouse and he intermittently interjects in Spanish things like, "me encanta drugas." (I love drugs) and says, "no no no"... only a minute, you should see.

Need To Waste Some Time?

You seriously need to check out then. Granted "douche bag" is my word of the month, but this site is nonetheless genius and focus in on finding douche bags (for lack of a better description) on My Space.

Just as a preview, the blogger calls him the "Heavy Weight Douche Bag" and says, " White sunglasses, 3 bottles of vodka and a plastic belt you waited in line for at Toys-R-Us....all worn out to a club for WHAT REASON?????????? Because you are a DOUCHE FUCKING BAG!!!!!
Look at this fool. He's rocking a wrestling/boxing belt. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahhahahaha. Holy shit even i get amazed everyday you guys submit these pictures. Just when i think there couldn't be anymore douche bags on the planet, i'm proved wrong EVERY day. The day i wake up and NOT have 200 photo emails is the day my job has been completed of ridding the world of douche bags like this."
Be careful- verrrry addictive.