Thursday, July 10, 2008

Oooh... Ice Cold

I got this from "Go Fug Yourself"... but well said! These pants are pretty terrible.

Dear Alicia Keys:

This is an intervention.

You have GOT TO STOP with the constant stream of unflattering skintight pants. They look terrible on you. Seriously. You don't HAVE to compete with Rihanna, you know, trying to be all space-age trendy and stuff. Just because she's hot doesn't mean you AREN'T; she just knows better than this. We see you're talented, we see you're fit, we see you're trim. You don't need to prove it with pants that look like you need an entire team of backstage interns just to get them up, or down, over your hips (although that makes going to the bathroom a more convivial experience, consider how much simpler it would be if you didn't have to fit twelve people in the stall with you). Maybe you think pants this snug force your voice into its upper register; maybe they make you more aerodynamic for when you jump onstage. I don't know. But they're not worth it. So unless you WANT to be for Monistat what Jessica Simpson is for Proactiv, get yourself to crotch rehab, stat.

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